Last night my friend tried to tell me that if you have anal sex with a girl it breaks a membrane that stands between her pussy and her shitter and then shit leaks out of her pussy.
They say morale is the big key to any office, but if you’ve got a bunch of stiffs who can’t take a joke, then you’re not going to have any morale.
“It’s a mixer,” I told the new intern. “Just show up around 4 o’clock.”
And when he showed up to the address, it was a mixer all right! It was an industrial strength mixer that I’d rented for the day!
“Chew on that!” I screamed.
“Uh, yeah. You sure did get me.”
“Well, turn it on already!”
“I don’t want to.”
So I turned it on, but there wasn’t anything to mix so I turned it off.
“You know, if you’re up for it,” said the intern, “A bunch of us are getting drinks across the street.”
“You are? When did you hear about that?”
“There was an email chain.”
“You should come.”
But I couldn’t. I had to get that mixer back before 7pm or else they’d charge for a whole weekend.
Later that night at dinner, I thought back to the puzzled look on the intern’s face and nearly spit ramen all over the steering wheel of my car. Some people were just born losers.
I don’t really get how anyone could legitimately care about what Justin Bieber has to say about Anne Frank
Just accidentally cockblocked my parents.
I bet Cee Lo Green caused a lot of miscommunication back in 2010
“Hey what are you listening to?”
I made my profile picture on Facebook one of those red and pink equality signs but I put a circlejerk on it too cause that’s what those “change your profile picture to x” campaigns are, but now everybody thinks it’s just a shock piece made to rile up homophobes. My asshole cynicism backfired on me.
NYPD Officer Blows Whistle On Stop & Frisk, Superior’s Told Him To Target “Male Blacks 14 to 21” (Must Read)
As hearings are under way to investigate New York City’s stop and frisk policy, one police officer is testifying that he was told by superiors to target young black men between the ages of 14 and 21.
Stop and frisk is a method of searching people in which a cop is able to stop someone he or she suspects of a crime, and is able to frisk that individual if they feel that there is some justification. New York City policy made 685,724 stops as part of the policy in 2011 alone. In total, they have made over 5 million stops, and 85 percent of those stopped were black or Latino. 88% were innocent, meaning they were not arrested or given a summons.
Officer Pedro Serrano, in court to testify yesterday, played a covert recording he’d obtained of an interraction with his superior where he was told the race of people to target, though not that he should stop everyone of that race:
Stop “the right people, the right time, the right location,” Deputy Inspector Christopher McCormack is heard saying on the recording.
“He meant blacks and Hispanics,” Officer Pedro Serrano, who made the secret recording, testified Thursday in Manhattan federal court.
“So what am I supposed to do: Stop every black and Hispanic?”Serrano was heard saying on the tape, which was recorded last month at the 40th Precinct in the Bronx.[…]
“I have no problem telling you this,” the inspector said on the tape. “Male blacks. And I told you at roll call, and I have no problem [to] tell you this, male blacks 14 to 21.”
During cross examination, City lawyer Brenda Cooke got Serrano to admit that McCormack never said he wanted Serrano to stop all blacks and Hispanics.
“Those specific words, no,” he told her.
The news about targeting black men tracks with yesterday’s revelations that the NYPD set quotas for arrests. It also explains the fact that, in 2011, NYPD made more stops of young black men than there actually are young black men in the city.
Serrano’s tape and testimony were introduced as evidence in a class-action lawsuit against the NYPD’s controversial stop-and-frisk tactic brought by four black New Yorkers who claim they were targeted because of their race.
Also, the first of several tapes surreptitiously made by Brooklyn cop Adrian Schoolcraft made its debut at the trial. The audio he recorded proved that the police department ‘manipulated’ crime reports to make to it seem like crime decreased in NYC.
After the NYPD found out about Adrian’s incriminating evidence, they broke into his apartment, handcuffed him and locked him in a insane asylum for 6 days against his will to silence him.
Back in high school we were reading Things Fall Apart and I was enjoying it but no one else in my class was so the teacher decided we’d stop reading it but instead of just saying that she straight up told us the ending which like why would you ever do that but anyway RIP