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A coworker asked what my middle name is and I lied and told her it was “Klux” she didn’t piece it together yet but sooner or later she’ll figure out my initials cannot be KKK

Open up A Storm of Swords and it starts with the dedication:

"for Phyllis

who made me put the dragons in”

Thank you Phyllis

What’s ironic is almost nobody believed the War of the Worlds broadcast but almost everybody believes that everybody believed the War of the Worlds broadcast.

Have you ever been so hungry you felt like you were going to throw up?

What good would that do?

Afternoon in the meadow I opened my eyes just in time to catch a beautiful, lonesome Rose Petal drifting in slow motion across the otherwise uninterrupted sky. The growing wind made it jump and dance and twirl in the air as a low chatter rustled from the surrounding plant life. I did not know the petal’s name.
“Julie,” I said to myself. “I’ve fixed my eyes on red, pink and white.” The off rhyme was unintentional, but I could do better. Another gust of wind drove Julie out of the corner of my eye. I couldn’t feel the grass I laid in until now, and when I turned my head it blocked my vision. I had to sit up to catch the rose petal once again. She was writing cursive in the air but I couldn’t read it. Then I had an idea.
“I wish I could leave you be, but you’re all that I can see.” I knew I could do better. It was a pun, too. Its only flaw was that it was untrue. Never in my life would I have wished to leave Julie, the wondrous Rose Petal dancing in the meadow. In fact, I wanted to join her. She was drifting away, after all.
So I hopped to my feet and skipped after Julie, jumping and twisting and flailing as best I could. Though in the back of my mind I knew I’d never dance as well as that Rose Petal.

Valentine’s Day is pretty cool I guess but the real holiday comes right after and that’s Clearance-Priced Chocolate Week

I can quit whenever I want

Well hows about you quit right now

Bitch I said whenever I want not whenever you want

We’re talking about a dildo shaped like a black guy’s dick but you’re worried about fetishizing black people because it’s got the wrong name

Somebody likes the D more than consistency

iamreallyangry:

villagehiddeninthecats:

This does not disappoint.

Nothing I could have ever expected could live up to the glory of this

pon-raul:

ramsexalicious:

mrscriss2012:

This is my son, Chester, who is nearly 4. He was invited to his friend Chloe’s birthday party today, the theme was prince and princesses. He asked if he could go as Sleeping Beauty, so I bought him a dress and put a cute little clip in his hair.
We arrived at the party to the following comments from the adults present: “Oh that is just cruel.”
"Why did you make him wear a dress?"
"Poor little man, what’s your mummy playing at?"
"He’s going to hate you when he grows up."
"No way I’d let my son dress like a girl."
The fact is, Chester is almost completely gender neutral. I let him wear what he wants, be it boys or girls clothes, and he plays with whatever toys he likes. This usually involves him holding tea parties while wearing his pink Minnie Mouse top, jeans and a tiara. The guests are more often than not a mixture of Winnie The Pooh characters, dinosaurs, Barbie, Dora and solders, and they’re usually transported in his favorite fire engine.
When my husband arrived at the party later on, he was subjected to endless ridicule from the other dad’s present about how I must keep his balls in my back pocket because otherwise he would have put his foot down and not allowed Chester out like that. Oh, and by the way, our other son dressed as Ariel. When my husband pointed out that the boys were happy, and the mother of the birthday child made a point of saying how wonderful she thought it was that we allowed them freedom of choice and expression, they then stopped talking about it to our faces and started muttering about us behind our backs.
Interestingly enough, not a single child said a word about their choice of costumes, other than to compliment Chester on his new dress.

not a single child made a negative comment
not a single child made a negative comment
not a single child made a negative comment

Ew adults

pon-raul:

ramsexalicious:

mrscriss2012:

This is my son, Chester, who is nearly 4. He was invited to his friend Chloe’s birthday party today, the theme was prince and princesses. He asked if he could go as Sleeping Beauty, so I bought him a dress and put a cute little clip in his hair.

We arrived at the party to the following comments from the adults present:
“Oh that is just cruel.”

"Why did you make him wear a dress?"

"Poor little man, what’s your mummy playing at?"

"He’s going to hate you when he grows up."

"No way I’d let my son dress like a girl."

The fact is, Chester is almost completely gender neutral. I let him wear what he wants, be it boys or girls clothes, and he plays with whatever toys he likes. This usually involves him holding tea parties while wearing his pink Minnie Mouse top, jeans and a tiara. The guests are more often than not a mixture of Winnie The Pooh characters, dinosaurs, Barbie, Dora and solders, and they’re usually transported in his favorite fire engine.

When my husband arrived at the party later on, he was subjected to endless ridicule from the other dad’s present about how I must keep his balls in my back pocket because otherwise he would have put his foot down and not allowed Chester out like that. Oh, and by the way, our other son dressed as Ariel. When my husband pointed out that the boys were happy, and the mother of the birthday child made a point of saying how wonderful she thought it was that we allowed them freedom of choice and expression, they then stopped talking about it to our faces and started muttering about us behind our backs.

Interestingly enough, not a single child said a word about their choice of costumes, other than to compliment Chester on his new dress.

not a single child made a negative comment

not a single child made a negative comment

not a single child made a negative comment

Ew adults