Nobody Reads Your Fucking Blog

month

May 2013

6 posts

ALRIGHT YOU LITTLE SHITS

ohyousillypotato: tawnyshine: worthyourweightinfanfiction: dreamwurks: hacheload: rosenkristall: TUMBLR AND IT’S FUTURE IS AT STAKE HERE SIGN AND REBLOG IF YOU WANT TO SAVE TUMBLR FROM YAHOO SIGNAL BOOST HOLY FUCKING SHIT, I CHECKED AND THIS IS NOT A DRILL I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL. We need 5,000,000 signatures i know there’s enough bloggers out there hell sign twice...

I didn’t know who Giorgio Moroder was before I listened to Random Access Memories so for like the first two minutes of that song all I thought was “Wow I didn’t know Arnold Schwarzenegger had such a passion for music”

I love pajama pants but it’s starting to get too hot to wear them I need pajama shorts are those a thing?

I was working at a buffet making omelettes for people and this group of girls walked by and I only heard one sentence from their conversation which was “I’ve peed five times since I got here”

Reaching the highest level in a relationship with the one you love involves obtaining a license from the government.

So I saw Opeth last night and some kid came in wearing a Death Grips T-shirt and I wanted to say something to incite some kind of camaraderie but not something lame like “nice shirt” so finally I just ended up yelling “YAH!” at him as he walked by me and I don’t think he got what I was getting at. Also there was this guy who looked like my friend who wanted to go to...

April 2013

9 posts

My sister started playing God of War and she just doesn’t have the same mindset as Kratos, saying things like “He ate the key what am I to do” and “Why didn’t I help that guy I was totally in a position to help him”

So I went to my bank to cash a check but they couldn’t cash it and told me to go to Bank of America across the street so I went outside and there isn’t a Bank of America anywhere. So I went to the Bank of America that’s somewhere else entirely and the branch manager who’s got a big smile on his face and even bigger bags under his eyes starts talking to me in this half-kind,...

Ordering a BLT at Subway is a very strange process cause you tell them you want a BLT so they take the bread and put some bacon on it and then they ask you if you want any cheese which fuck that there’s no such thing as cheese on a BLT so then they ask if you want anything else and you have to goddamn tell them to put lettuce tomato and mayonnaise on it That’s not a BLT that’s a...

I imagine people with more common names like Ben or John have a mechanism where if someone says “Hey John” they think “Maybe they’re talking to a different John” but my name’s fucking Karl and nobody has that name except for one other guy so when someone says “Hey Karl” I direct my attention toward them with 100% certainty that they’re talking...

Last night my friend tried to tell me that if you have anal sex with a girl it breaks a membrane that stands between her pussy and her shitter and then shit leaks out of her pussy.

I don’t really get how anyone could legitimately care about what Justin Bieber has to say about Anne Frank

Just accidentally cockblocked my parents.

March 2013

22 posts

I bet Cee Lo Green caused a lot of miscommunication back in 2010 “Hey what are you listening to?” “Fuck You!”

I made my profile picture on Facebook one of those red and pink equality signs but I put a circlejerk on it too cause that’s what those “change your profile picture to x” campaigns are, but now everybody thinks it’s just a shock piece made to rile up homophobes. My asshole cynicism backfired on me.

Back in high school we were reading Things Fall Apart and I was enjoying it but no one else in my class was so the teacher decided we’d stop reading it but instead of just saying that she straight up told us the ending which like why would you ever do that but anyway RIP

Oh man I drank like 3 sodas today am I going to OD?

“180,000 people a year die of drinking soda!” Well if that isn’t the most intentionally misleading thing I’ve ever heard

kittydothedishes: ill send a free shirt to the person who givesm e the best lana del rey nudes photoshopped ok I’m kind of new to photoshop but I think I did aight

If your only solution to a problem is to ban a series of things, chances are you have no understanding of the problem.

I’m still trying to fathom why CNN would spend the airtime sympathizing with the rapists instead of the victim. It just blows my mind. I think part of it is because our culture loves football so much so it’s sad for them to see two football players ruin their lives so early on. I think another part of it is that the verdict isn’t really the interesting part of the story but they...

realshitissomerealshit: New Real Shit is in the...

It’s 2013 and people still blah blah rabble rabble rabble Ah yes, 2013. A very special and anticipated year. Scientists have predicted that 2013 is the year the world will magically stop being shitty. Everyone’s faults will disappear and we will all hold hands and sing together. Why? Because! It’s 2013! 2013, you guys! 2013!

Court OKs Barring High IQs for Cops →

21st-century-classical-liberal: thefreelioness: A man whose bid to become a police officer was rejected after he scored too high on an intelligence test has lost an appeal in his federal lawsuit against the city. The 2nd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in New York upheld a lower court’s decision that the city did not discriminate against Robert Jordan because the same standards were applied to...

I dreamt that I was looking through my cousin’s Facebook photos and one of them was her vagina with a screw shoved up it

Every once in a while some random person likes DICK A$$’s Facebook page and I don’t know if it’s because they like my music or they just like profanity.

shernander: kierk: nobodyreadsyourfuckingblog: kierk: nobodyreadsyourfuckingblog: People who reblog something and say this. Don’t say anything. Yeah, I saw that. I saw that before I saw this, actually. this. You son of a bitch this. ^ Dammit the caret’s even worse

kierk: nobodyreadsyourfuckingblog: People who reblog something and say this. Don’t say anything. Yeah, I saw that. I saw that before I saw this, actually. this. You son of a bitch

People who reblog something and say this. Don’t say anything. Yeah, I saw that. I saw that before I saw this, actually.

February 2013

8 posts

I read part of Broder’s attempt at rebutting Tesla’s total ownage of his shit report and I’m pretty sure he’s a poorly programmed robot because no human could be that stupid. “Yeah they said I should charge it for an hour so I did exactly that. Never mind that the range was only half of the distance I was trying to go, I was just doing what I was told man.” ...

theanti90smovement: wow funny offensive joke you sure are edgy *throws you off a cliff* Hey man don’t joke about throwing people off cliffs that’s offensive

So I watched all of FLCL thinking that at some point his robot would join in a race of some sort. Turns out I was thinking of IGPX

I saw this guy that owes me a lot of money today. I came up to him and I was about to start going off when he says “Here, take this” and hands me a slip of paper. I looked down and the paper was blank. I looked up and he was gone. Motherfucker gave me the slip

I wonder if Steve-O ever listens to Wild Boy and says “Yeah bitch, call ME Steve-O. I’M a Wild Boy”

brandnewswastikas: I’m the type of guy who doesn’t care if you want to sit around the house all day and watch The O.C. in your sweatpants with your hair tied in a knot and all of your makeup smeared because you’ve been crying. I don’t care about any of that because I hate you.

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America. Thank you very, very much for letting us little kids live here. It really, really was nice of you. You didn’t have to do it, and it’s really not creepy to have little, little kids mindlessly recite this anthem every day and pledge their life to a government before they’re old enough to really think about what...

January 2013

24 posts

Hey YouTube channels When you upload 45 videos at once, it only guarantees that I won’t watch a single one of them. Also I’ll be unsubscribing for a short time so I can get to the rest of my subscriptions feed.

“Most of us - if not all of us - are grossly incompetent at other people’s jobs....”

– Thomas Sowell (via cadburycrazed)

If you hate the new tumblr then you’re fucking stupid No exceptions Try and set your fear of change aside for five seconds and realize that everything is easier and it’s not even that big a change

I didn’t think I needed any more reason to hate Glee but god dammit you don’t fuck with Jonathan Coulton.