“The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I’ve heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience and it’s terrifying because for the first time it’s my voice.”—GLaDOS
Man I’m almost done watching Breaking Bad for the third time just bathing in the symbols and the details but then I’m on the internet and I find out that there’s a painting I missed well fuck now I gotta watch the whole thing again
So two hundred and thirty-nine people are missing and I should be sad about that but instead I’m angry about the fact that news outlets feel the need to tell me that three of them are Americans like that matters
Afternoon in the meadow I opened my eyes just in time to catch a beautiful, lonesome Rose Petal drifting in slow motion across the otherwise uninterrupted sky. The growing wind made it jump and dance and twirl in the air as a low chatter rustled from the surrounding plant life. I did not know the petal’s name. “Julie,” I said to myself. “I’ve fixed my eyes on red, pink and white.” The off rhyme was unintentional, but I could do better. Another gust of wind drove Julie out of the corner of my eye. I couldn’t feel the grass I laid in until now, and when I turned my head it blocked my vision. I had to sit up to catch the rose petal once again. She was writing cursive in the air but I couldn’t read it. Then I had an idea. “I wish I could leave you be, but you’re all that I can see.” I knew I could do better. It was a pun, too. Its only flaw was that it was untrue. Never in my life would I have wished to leave Julie, the wondrous Rose Petal dancing in the meadow. In fact, I wanted to join her. She was drifting away, after all. So I hopped to my feet and skipped after Julie, jumping and twisting and flailing as best I could. Though in the back of my mind I knew I’d never dance as well as that Rose Petal.
Took a walk at 2am and my neighbor’s got every light in his house on. Dude’s old as fuck so I know he’s not up and doing shit at 2 in the morning and I don’t consider myself much of an environmentalist but I wanted to break into his house just to turn all the lights off you wasteful paranoid bitch nobody’s gonna break into a suburban house in this weather and even if they did you’re not fooling anybody with a bunch of lights
So I was hanging out with my friend and he was like “Do you watch Walking Dead?” and I was like “No” and he’s like “Well I gotta tell you about this crazy shit that happened” and I thought he was gonna tell me about some particularly terrifying or gruesome scene but instead he’s just like “The governor is back” and I don’t know why he thought I would have any idea who the governor is or why that’s important it hasn’t been ten seconds since I told him I don’t watch it
Bars are weird man they kicked my friend out because I wasn’t 21 (even though I didn’t order anything) and he wasn’t finished with his beer but they just couldn’t handle a minor sitting at the bar doing nothing for a couple minutes (totally legal) so they gave him a to-go cup (totally not legal)
There have been multiple instances in my life when some girl says “I love that song Peaches and Cream” and then some guy says “Isn’t that that song about blowjobs?” and then the girl says “Wait what I never listened to the lyrics”