Walking Dead spoilers watch out
So I was hanging out with my friend and he was like “Do you watch Walking Dead?” and I was like “No” and he’s like “Well I gotta tell you about this crazy shit that happened” and I thought he was gonna tell me about some particularly terrifying or gruesome scene but instead he’s just like “The governor is back” and I don’t know why he thought I would have any idea who the governor is or why that’s important it hasn’t been ten seconds since I told him I don’t watch it
Everyone’s always like “turn up the bass” but I prefer treble no joke
"My first memory was when I was three years old. My dad set me up on the dresser, and said: ‘Jump to daddy!’ Then he let me fall and said, ‘Don’t trust anyone.’ He was twisted like that. I’m pretty sure that’s why I’m a loner."
Bars are weird man they kicked my friend out because I wasn’t 21 (even though I didn’t order anything) and he wasn’t finished with his beer but they just couldn’t handle a minor sitting at the bar doing nothing for a couple minutes (totally legal) so they gave him a to-go cup (totally not legal)
You think you’re standing still but really you’re moving 1,000 mph in a circle and 67,000 mph in an oval and that fucks me up.
are you fUCKINGGGG KIDDING ME
There’s always that one guy who’s like “I don’t feel for Walter he’s an asshole”
They think it gives them moral high ground but really they’re just contrarian and don’t understand the concept of the tragic flaw.